Time has been whizzing by and lately it has felt heavy, almost suffocating at times. I know what creates the weight of this feeling, and am spending time with that, but in the midst of creating and working and slinging paint, I felt a deep need to take a breath and swallow a much needed dose of gratitude.
I am living my 50th year walking this planet. What an incredible journey it has been, full of enormous joy, incredible pain, moments of clarity, and days of fog. To put into words the enormity of gratitude I have though comes as daunting and impossible. Still, I recognize this life I have lived as extraordinary, to to the point of becoming a star in my own Ardithian universe.
Today, I sit in my studio, so lucky to have it, and contemplate in reverence what the point really is, to my days, my gifts, my time here. Is it to serve, to create, to exist in harmony? Yes, and yes, and yes. I am not sure though if complete understanding will ever come but I seek it out with great fervor. More so, I have come to believe that standing witness to so many different and creative beings is what I am called to do, at least for these current days, and I secretly get a sense that this is what heaven must be like.
To love so deeply and be loved so greatly.
To wonder and fill one’s heart with layers of inspiration.
To question everything in seek of my own truth.
To stand in the face of discord, of heart break, or complete injustice and still believe in the worth of so many unanswerable things.
To give rise to the ideas through my imagination and truly grasp that my mark matters.
To view the worth in a raindrop and the healing that comes from tears.
To not buckle under the weight of figuring it all out, but to simply live in the moment.
To be connected to the hopes, dreams, experiences, and spirit of those who made way for my time.
These are some of the things that give me pause today, in the busy life I have created as I create, and that are breaking me out of the mundane steps of an ordinary life. I have no clue how many days are left in the hands of my time keeper, but for today I am content in knowing that I have lived so well and that this life has been deeply beautiful.
There is time for work and business and connecting with others to make a living, and then there is time to slow down and acknowledge how very precious this human experience is to simply be alive and living in this very moment. Today is one of those days, very grateful to be present.