Just When You Think You’re In A Groove……

August 9, 2010

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The Exquisite Corpse Doll Game photo from Terri Keller and I .
I’m in a melancholic mood these days. Not because my life is challenging, all life is I think, but I had a harsh reminder of that dark, brooding, sinister shadow that lurks around all the time. No, not a Chinese Bandit like my husband use to make me laugh at, but the painful reminder that my body has issues, and ignoring them is not an option. For a while, a totally, blessed while, I was able to function a bit better, which meant it didn’t take a ton of meds to get out of bed and I didn’t’ have to spend 15 min. doing things and 15 min. resting, which is pretty normal course for me, all day long. I actually had a taste of what life was like many moons ago and it was lovely…..until the other day. Until I simply woke up and had that cruel reminder, almost like an evil puppet master pulling my strings, remind me that my body, or let’s clear that up, back, is the royal pits sometimes.
I often wonder what people think sometimes when they hear that I am ‘disabled.’  That term has such loaded meanings for some, and misconceptions I might add. No, I was not given the journey that some have to be blind, to be cognitively impaired, or to be bound to a wheel chair every moment of every day, and I am most grateful. My course in life, the course that put me on disability, was to have a joint/spine disease that at first glance seems hidden, or on many days, no where to be seen. But that’s the cruelness of it to me, that on any given day my legs can go out, the pain in my spine will be so excruciating that Morphine won’t touch it, and that the pressure in my neck becomes so intense I can’t see. And though I walk with a cane, I wonder, because I don’t ‘look’ like what most would label a disabled person to be, if people judge me harshly or wrongly, by simple false perceptions? 

Thankfully, I don’t live my life to fit other people’s standards, and on melancholic days, I stay true to myself by taking it slowly, resting, doing what I can, and waiting for it to pass, all the while praying through the moments, because it is my faith that pulls me out of days like this. I am grateful to have such a creative mind too. A mind that sees the beauty in practically everyone, finds colors intoxicating, is thrilled at making a difference in the life of a child, and loves intensely. And though it could always, always be worse, I am blessed through every moment of pain or not, to know I have this mind and the choice to use it. That to me is precious. I am not one to be still either, almost to a fault, and strive every day to leave the world a better place than I found it for no other reason than it being the right thing to do.

So Prussian Blue and Peach Black day of mine be what you may. Tomorrow holds the potential to be one drenched in Opera and Manganese Sunsets, and for that I hold my heart to the fire in hopes it happens. Seems like I needed to vent a bit, those times are needed aren’t they? Glad to know that my fans who know me, know what kind of person I am, aren’t the ones that question the character of a person without knowing them. Oh if we all were that true and honest to mankind.

On the art side of life, which is all sides really, LOL, I was able to go to Jami Buck’s art show and am thrilled at the painting of Dauphin Island we will be getting. Her work has an honest emotion about it that is rare to find in many pieces lining the walls of galleries these days. Got some wonderful ladies coming over to collage with me, have been swapping some hilarious Exquisite Corpse Dolls through the mail, added to some 1001 Journals, sent some mail art flying, and with my hubs help, have the beginning of a functional, working studio beginning to evolve. To  an artist, that is better than Christmas morning! Would love to know what is going on in your world…..drop me a line. 

Doodling in my Wackadoodle Art Journal
Lovely Ladies on Collage Mondays

comments +

  1. Mary Elizabeth Kimbrough says:

    Great post Ardith…hope you feel better! xoxo

  2. claire says:

    Ardith, this post really touched me. I hope today is better, my friend. You are an inspiration!

  3. Terri says:

    Great post my friend! I get where you are coming from. Just cause I'm walking straight with a smile on my face today doesn't mean I was yesterday or will be tomorrow! Pain is an evil thing! I don't like it and hate all the medical tests. You have such a grand outlook and an uplifting spirit!! luv ya bunches! tk

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